Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
