i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
