well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
