I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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