I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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