I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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