covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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