I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
