Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
