you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This house was built for laser tag.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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