Hey man sorry I got all grabby
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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