I'm really into asian looking animals
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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