i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
