Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He did a backflip because drugs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
