clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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