Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
