Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
