He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
