i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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