i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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