Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
