yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
