That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
