Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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