My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
