i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
