Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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