why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
