Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
