Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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