Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
