i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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