i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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