This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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