Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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