i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
