i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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