I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
