ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
