The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
