I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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