I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
