lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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