If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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