I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
