Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
