My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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