I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
