At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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