i permit you to call me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
