the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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